The real reason why you fall in love by Jeyran Main
Do you love your partner? The answer is most likely, yes. My response in return is, prove it.
Provide me with the number. What is the metric that helps one know? The reality is that when you met your partner, you didn’t love her but now you do. Hence, give me the day that ‘love’ happened.
This is an impossible question. Not because it does not exists, but because it’s that much easier to prove in time. Leadership is the same thing. It’s about transitions.
If you were to go to the gym, it would be like exercise. You work out and you come home to look in the mirror. You will see, nothing. If you go to the gym the next day and then work out, come home and look into the mirror, you will still see nothing.
Clearly, there are no results. It cannot be measured therefore, it must not be effective and so we quit. Unless, if you fundamentally believe that this is the right course of action and you stick with it. Another example like in a relationship, ‘I bought her flowers and I wished her a happy birthday and she doesn’t love me,” I will then give up. That’s not how it happens.
If you believe there’s something there, you commit yourself to an act of service. You commit yourself to the regime, the exercise. You can screw it up. You can eat chocolate cake one day, or you can skip a day or two. It allows for that. However, if you stick to it consistently, I’m not sure exactly when or what day, but I can promise you that you will begin to get into shape. The same rule applies to a relationship.
It’s not about the events; it’s not about the intensity. It’s about consistency. For instance, if you go to the dentist twice a year, your teeth will fall out. But if you brush your teeth every day for two minutes, that is when you will see the results. Going to the gym for nine hours does not get you into shape. But if you walk twenty minutes three times a week, will.
The problems we have in companies are the same. We treat leadership with intensity. We have a two-day offset; we invite a bunch of speakers, we give everybody a certificate, and BAM, you’re a leader!
Those things are very important. They are like going to the dentist. They are good to remind us or to get us back on track, however, it’s the daily practice of all the monotonous little boring things like brushing your teeth, which matter the most.
She didn’t fall in love with you because you remembered her birthday and bought her flowers on Valentine’s Day. She fell in love with you because when you woke up in the morning, you said ‘Good Morning” to her before you checked your phone.
She fell in love with you because when you went to the fridge to get yourself a drink, you brought one for her even though she did not ask for it. She fell in love with you because when you had an amazing day at work and she didn’t. You listened to her bad day without saying a word about yours.
This is why she fell in love with you.
I can’t tell you what day or what particular thing you did; it was the accumulation of all those little things that she wakes up one day and says, ‘I love you.’
Written by Jeyran Main
Categories: My Reflections / Articles